You don’t have the right to have problems

I think it’s a problem we have today where no one feels free to admit they have problems. We feel a compulsion to confess things are all ‘OK’ even when they clearly are not. The dangers in this are two-fold. For one, it makes us feel isolated and alone like we are facing the world all by ourselves. Secondly, it also contributes to a denial and inability to face reality in our lives.

I think we get so much into presenting a positive face to other people that we are generally afraid to admit that things aren’t going that great. That we have some problems in our lives. So, I write the title of this article in jest. Please don’t take that as being intended as literal. Of course, most of us would deny the idea that we don’t have the right to have problems. But that’s how we live our lives many times. We think that it’s rather uncouth to admit to any kind of difficulty in our lives. Just put on a brave face and move on. But if that’s how we live, then how is someone who has legitimate struggles and concerns supposed to begin to open up and deal with those things. I would say that it’s this attitude and mindset that has led to people holding back and refraining from seeking help from someone else. To be honest, how many people do you think really feel like they can be honest and open about some area of their life where they’re having a problem? Many of these things remain withheld from other people to the point that the problem never gets addressed. So, if it never gets addressed it never gets resolved and ends up getting worse.

I would say that it’s this reticence we have to opening up to someone that has led to the prevalence and even propagation of issues in our lives. Much of this centers around having someone we are comfortable enough with which to open up. This is why we each need someone we feel close enough to that we feel we tell them anything. Thankfully, many of us have those people in our lives. But unfortunately there are many of us who do not. To those people, I would say that they might have to get very real with the person they are closest to. They might have to just take the risk of stepping out and saying, “I know we don’t normally talk about deep things. But I’m wondering if you can indulge me as I share something that I’m dealing with. I just ask that you withhold judgement as I get real in facing my problems.”
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I know this isn’t an easy proposition for many people. But I think it’s a necessary one. In order for us to begin to gain a grasp on what we’re dealing with we may have to find that someone who is willing to listen. And I’m not saying this is the be all and end all of solving our problems. But I think it can be an important starting point in beginning to define them.

…Let’s go deeper