I heard about a certain professional fighter who had lost their first fight in a long time. In fact, this was the first fight they had lost since they had become a professional. This person was not used to losing. Not only had they had a long string of victories, but the manner in which this fighter won was astounding. Most of the victories were won in the first round. They were clearly a force to be reckoned with.
While this kind of record is one to be proud of, and was an ironclad indicator of their abilities in their chosen profession, there’s one problem I see coming down the road for this individual. What repeated success can easily lead to in all of us is pride. This fighter clearly knew how to win, but what would they do when they were dealt their first defeat? It’s tough to know how to deal with something you’ve never had to deal with before. As sure as can be, they eventually met with their first defeat. An interview with them after the fight was a telling indicator of this person’s mindset. In that interview they gave a full-disclosure confession that they had contemplated suicide after their first loss. That one statement told me a lot about what they thought about themselves, and the world at-large. I could tell that their entire personhood was wrapped up into what they could do as a fighter. Their entire sense of self-worth was based on this one aspect of their life.
This is what I call a performance-based persona. And to be fair, this fighter isn’t the only one. There are a lot of us out there with this mindset. We think, because of how we were brought up, what someone else told us, what society has told us, or what we’ve told ourselves that we’re only as good as our latest success. If we’d take some time to examine this a little further, we could see how deep this fallacy runs. It’s a tempting ideology—seductive even. In our efforts to attain personal significance, we set up these barriers for us to surpass so that we can know we’re good enough. If I meet this personal goal, then I know I’m good enough. If I achieve this level of success, then I’ll know I’m good enough. And as long as success is our friend things can go along just fine—for a while. But eventually failure happens. Now what do we do? If I’m a success when I’m succeeding, then I’m a failure when I’m failing, right? And for most of us, failure isn’t that foreign to us. We go from success one day, to failure the next, and the process keeps repeating itself. So, what kind of roller-coaster ride does that put us on? What does that do to my feeling of self-worth?
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See, while this can seem to be the right way to think at first, it’s the entirely wrong mindset to have. You need to come to the understanding that your value isn’t confined to your performance. While having high goals and achieving great things are admirable, they aren’t meant to be a determinant of how you value yourself. You are valuable because of your uniqueness as an individual, you’re valuable because of the people in your life who care about you, and you’re valuable because of whose image you were made in.