It’s nice to be understood

One thing we all desire is to be understood by others. If we’re not understood by everyone, then we at least want to be understood by someone. And for many of us, a spouse, sibling, or a close friend provide that for us.

We seem to have this innate desire to be understood by someone. Understanding provides for us a point of connection with others. It allows us to feel close to others. We find many times that others understand us best when they have been through similar experiences. That’s why self-help groups often involve people dealing with the same problems. It’s probably what you would call empathy. We can feel other people’s cares and concerns in that way. I suppose that’s why counselors try to provide as welcoming an environment as they can. We feel safe when understood. And when we feel safe we are more willing to share what’s on our hearts. A good environment provides a safe place for us to share what’s bothering us. We don’t want to open up when we feel judged by someone else. If we have a friend we can talk to that allows us to fully express our thoughts and feelings—good, bad, or indifferent—we have a productive place where we can work through some of our personal problems. And it’s usually only in an environment like that where these things can be properly addressed and resolved.

We don’t always realize how powerful it can be to just show understanding to someone else. It’s kind of like providing fertile soil for a new garden. You pull out all the weeds and then you can get started on growing some good stuff. And that should be everyone’s goal. It’s not that we want to talk about problems to an endless degree and in perpetuity. We want to, at some point, start talking about the solution. But I guess recognizing the problem is half the battle. And it’s often in these safe environments where we feel understood that we can start to recognize the problem. Sometimes we don’t even realize what the problem is until we start to verbalize it. That other person can be there as a sounding board, and they can even begin to help us to identify the problem. That’s at least a start.
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I’ve realized in my own life how important it is for me to be understood. It’s probably a founding block of a lot of my relationships. If I don’t feel understood by someone there’s probably not much of a basis for a relationship there. There’s not a real connection there when you don’t feel that other person gets you. So, you usually end up moving on. I guess one thing it does is it lets us know that we’re not alone. Other people feel, think, and act in some of the same ways that you do. Then we realize that some of those things aren’t as foreign as we thought. We can easily end up feeling isolated until we begin to let some of these things out.

…Let’s go deeper