Sometimes things just eat at you, and it seems like you can’t make your way out from under it; the wrongs others have done to you; the insults; the verbal slights that are meant to bring you down. The irony of hurts and insults is that we can choose to receive and hold onto them, but we only hurt ourselves when we do. But these things end up being as toxic as anything we could hold onto. Of all the unprofitable activities we undertake, holding onto bitterness seems to be the least profitable and, also, the most harmful to us.
There’s a famous quote, probably attributed mostly to Nelson Mandela in modern times—although others have repeated it in different forms—but he said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” When you put it like that, it’s really enlightening as to how stupid it is to hold onto bitterness. For some reason, it temporarily feels good to cling to these things, even though they’re eating away at us inside. We have a natural impulse for revenge, it seems. Somehow we think we’ll get our revenge in the bitterness we cling to. Even if vengeance were our goal, this would be no way to get it. But most importantly, vengeance is never a worthwhile pursuit. It’s never satisfying when we seek it. It keeps us forever in bondage to that person and the hurts they’ve caused us. We willingly chain ourselves up in this scenario. Think of chaining yourself to the train tracks just to teach the train a lesson. That’s similar to us holding so tightly to the bitterness. There’s only one thing that can free us from this unhealthy alliance—forgiveness.
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If you really want to be set free—if you really want to let go and be forever untied from the person who’s wronged you—if you don’t want it to drag you down, then you have to let it go. The initial step is the hardest. You don’t want to do it. It’s almost like it’s handcuffed to you…..but, in reality, you’re the one holding the key. All the power is in your hands to unlock the chains and be free forever. And even after that initial unlocking of the chains, you might be tempted to re-attach it. But it’s not worth the price.
You might be surprised what happens when you do this. I mean, really do it. Don’t just half-way—or kind of—but fully commit to it. It’s one of those things that provides more than you ever think it will. That’s the dichotomy between the two; bitterness will take more than you ever thought, but forgiveness will give you more than you could ever imagine. See, the forgiveness isn’t just for the other person, but for you. They may never know you’ve forgiven them. But they don’t need to. Once you’ve forgiven them—whether they receive it or not—they’re wrongs, and resultantly, the bitterness no longer has a hold over you.